I just got back from Chloe's Nursery Orientation and cannot help but feel emotional.
A few years ago, when my career was my first priority, I would pity people who were stay at home moms. I would think that their lives must be so boring and so unfulfilling. Who would want to spend their days running after babies and toddlers? Who would want to have their lives ruled by tint tots? Definitely not for me! I knew that I was selfish and not selfless at that stage of my life.
Who would have ever thought that I would be a stay at home mom for over a year! Not ME!
Who would have ever guessed that although many days were challenging to say the least, I really loved my new role as a full time mom!
I have had the amazing opportunity of staying home with baba for her first year. I have seen her every first! I know that some mothers go back to work pretty much straight away (I know many people have no choice) and I know that I am very lucky, however, I still feel sad in some ways that my stay at home mom lifestyle will be coming to an abrubt end.
Don't get me wrong! I am excited to get back into the world of work...... to get dressed up in the morning ....to feel like I have a purpose other than being a mom and a wife......to actually wear clothes that are not covered in food, snot or other baby excretions for longer than half an hour.
But....I found this morning hard and I expect to find next week hard too. I know that baba is going to a fab daycare centre and that the staff are amazing but I am the one struggling to let go.
When she cries and looks at me saying 'Mama' inbetween sputters, it breaks my heart and I just want to kidnap her and run far away from the nursery.
I find it hard to entrust her routine into someone elses hands. Call me a control freak but I need to know everything about her day.
I guess I will have to get over myself sooner or later.
Maybe baba is not the one who is the baby. Maybe it's me?
Wish both babies the best of luck please!
C x
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